Our Struggle with Milk Protein Intolerance

As I’m sure I will talk about enough here in the future someday. Trust your mommy instincts. If something isn’t right…. First review your common issues. As a wise doctor once told my anxiety riddled self… common things happen commonly. That’s to say USUALLY your baby is NOT the anomaly… “Dr. Google” would have you believe that is it happening to you and you are going to die yesterday…. Good news is… your still here. ;)

But when Avah was born I had a feeling. Not a rush her to the ER immediately feeling, but that mommy/nurse instinct. Cradle cap. Normal. Dry skin. Normal. Oozing crusty eczema….. Probably worth checking out the causes. Avah was maybe 3 weeks old when I noticed a constantly reoccurring bought of crusty goop ( I know technical medical lingo.. lol) between her eyes. Smack dab in the middle of her face.

Now as a word about me.. I’m a picker…. Bad. Scrapes, cuts, itchy skin… just can’t do it. I’m compelled to touch it WAY more than my medical training tells me to.

Avah’s crusty goop was no different. I obsessed about it being there. This was my first sign of her milk issue. I had done some hunting on the internet about skin issues…. Reputable sources here folks not the dr. google variety. And I discovered one common thing between many inflammatory issues…. Milk intolerance. Now as I have had to explain too many many many people about milk protein intolerance and lactose intolerance. They ARE NOT the same thing.

WE NOW TAKE A PAUSE IN YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING FOR SOME BREAKING NEWS

Protein Issue

Quick medical lesson here. Everyone knows about the main benefit of breastfeeding, the amazing ability to be able to lend mum’s immune system to baby until they can develop their own. This ‘head start’ if you will in the world of immunity to the common cold. Now everyone also knows about macro nutrients – carbohydrates, fats (lipids) and proteins. Immunity is passed through the breast milk into the baby through a protein… this protein is a microscopic swirl of amino acids (the things that form proteins) and these different amino acids make up ALL proteins. EVERY one of them. Now your thinking where the heck am I taking this goose chase. Well. The small intestine has the job of breaking down these proteins into amino acids and as an adult these only the amino acids (the simplest form of proteins) are passed through the wall of the intestine into the blood.  

Now that you’ve likely jumped to the next section because you feel lost and are losing faith in this article…. Babies are super-duper special. And this super duperness is what gets them in trouble. Sometimes. Babies gain immunity through letting these strands of ‘immunity’ pass through the intestine into the blood stream and give babies their immunity blueprints if you will for their future. Its call a permeable gut, ALL babies are born with this permeable gut, and babies typically lose the ability between 9 months and a year according to current knowledge. Babies with a milk protein intolerance have bodies that are confused about the strands. The immunity strand passes into the blood and the body goes “OH CRAP AN INVADER ATTACK!!!!” this signal is what gives your baby symptoms.

Lactose Issue 

According to kids health (link at bottom) infants and toddlers rarely have a lactose issue. Lactose is made up of two types of sugars. Glucose and Galactose. Galactose is the sugar that comes from animal milk. We generally see this in cow’s due to our cultures copious cow’s milk consumption. The body of a lactose intolerant person does not have the ability or a poor ability to break down this sugar into its simple forms. Therefor the body is then reacting to the sugar (i.e. carbohydrate) portion of milk…. Not the protein portion of milk.

BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING

Anyone still following….. Now with Avah … she was a slow reactor…. Then as with repeated exposure to an allergen…. The reaction time sped up. We didn’t notice it until Christmas… in a big way.

We had given Avah formula for the first time in November. She was 3 months old and Glen and I wanted to have her used to formula in case my milk ran out or we just wanted a night to ourselves for a movie. We began with your normal floundering in the formula aisle of the local grocery store. SO many options, sizes, varities. Sooooo many toting the label “as close to real breastmilk as possible”…. Which made choosing formulas difficult. If you’re a concerned parent about the sugars and chemicals in your food…. Don’t read a formula can…..WARNED YOU!. Anyways we began we her first bottle! She looooooved it, so much so we got a little crazy and gave her a second… she kept eating… she must be hungry. Wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG. Lol vomit vomit everywhere. She ate herself to vomiting. Lol poor girl. Anyways. We didn’t notice symptoms right away. And really even doing it again we proboably still wouldn’t. She was getting a cow’s milk based formula every two ish weeks… maybe and only for a feeding or two. We couldn’t ever for sure say she was fussy.

For all of you with a baby over six months or multiple kids... try telling me that the common slow reactions to milk aren’t just “babies being babies”. They are (according to kids health) loose stools (possibly containing blood), vomiting, gagging, refusing food, irritability or colic, and skin rashes, like eczema. AM I RIGHT OR WHAT!?!?! We had no idea. I had a gut feeling this was her issue. I have other family members with milk issues on both sides. It was easily likely. So I cut out milk from my diet because it’s HIGHLY recommended as you can be giving her cow’s milk protein through the breast milk when you consume foods with dairy. (Think of it in the same way you can upset HER stomach by YOU eating broccoli).

Her eczema had gotten better but still not great or gone so I was really doubting the whole milk thing about a month in. I hadn’t seen a lot of improvement in her skin. So we made a decision to abandon the milk free thing and OOOOHHHH MAN did I feast like a KING! (about 15 pounds to my butt cheeks worth too). It was Christmas time and with the time of year it means many boozy drinks and visits. LOTS of visits. So avah was getting formula or breast milk in a bottle probably once every other day (please don’t judge! Lol). We had noticed she was starting to spit up more though and all of a sudden her eczema was back to her cheeks, but this time no oozing just really really dry skin.


One particular night visiting Avah’s grandparents, she started to refuse her bottle kept turning away and even spit up a bit. She hadn’t eaten in four hours and she was acting hungry so with persistence we got it down. We attributed it to maybe a little seasonal flu or illness since she had come in contact with sooo many people and places.

Then the final straw. We had Christmas with my family at home. The wine flowed as it always does so out came the bottle. She was starving so she took it like a champ. Then we got our confirmation. About 30 minutes after she ate she began dry heaving and then the vomit comet arrived. Poor thing was like 12 lbs and she vomited for three hours straight. Straight. It was horrendous.

We contemplated many things…. Was it the formula brand? Maybe we should try something else. Everyone has a story of their baby not doing well on a certain formula. Was our formula old? Nope expiry good and only open a week. Then it hit me. Milk. The formula had milk. And she had a lot of it. I immediately cut milk again we threw out the formula and got another brand just to be sure. Vomit and garbagio to that one as well. We had confirmed it. She was never a spitter till she got formula. It made so much sense. Her fussiness which we attributed to a cold was likely the formula in the beginning. AND If it wasn’t comfirmed for us enough when she stopped getting formula and I cut milk. Boom. Skin of a baby. No dry skin no oozing and the perfect little baby who never ever fussed was found! As a further (totally accidental) re confirmation at six months we gave her a just add water barley cereal and boy did she gobble it down. Scary thing is we put her to bed a happy baby and at 3 am she was crying and we found her in a pool of partially dried vomit….. We had the monitor with us all night and never heard her… I neurotically check on her lots now.

You easily forget how little they were at one point. 

THE DIET

Let me tell you… the struggle of prenatal heartburn makes cookie eating tough… was so excited to eat cookies after she was born…. Guess was like all cookies have L milk, butter, cheese, sour cream…. Yup. I know right. And milk is one tricky lady. Since it is a major food group, let me tell you… it’s in EVERYTHING L. (FYI. Still on stupid diet. Still no reasonable dairy free recipe for shortbread which is primarily flour, butter and sugar (health food, am I right?)…. SUPER SAD FACE! Lol).

The thing with it also being a major food group is this issue. Food companies take milk products and either divide them into their individual milk products or modify them in some way. What happens is even the lactose-free spread…. You guessed it…. has modified milk products. Chocolate…. Modified milk products. I’ve even found salt and vinegar potato chips with milk products in it. I know right? UGH! But with breastfeeding moms trying to eliminate cow’s milk for their babies, it’s recommened to remove ALL milk and milk products from your diet, including those not only from cow’s but also other ‘milk givers’ like goats and sheep’s milk, as these animals have milk protein very similar to cow’s.

LIST OF INGREDIENTS THAT IS ACTUALLY A MILK/ MILK PRODUCT

Reading your labels makes grocery shopping sooo much longer. And health wise I have no reaped the benefit of no milk or milk fat in my diet. And the worst is eating out HA! Good luck. Our current health trends make gluten free restaurant eating easy peasy. Dairy issues on the other hand are highly unrecognized and because butter is fatty, salty and scrumptious you’d be surprise what gets a dolup of butter. Some babies react REALLY strongly to milk products and there for mothers  have to avoid it at all costs, and just like with peanuts, that means also not eating any products labelled as MAY contain milk or milk products. I pray for you if you’re that unfortunate.  For a list of other words for milk or milk products click here. 

FOR AVAH

Everything I do in a day is for Avah. We were really healthy before and we want her to follow our eating habits as well. For us that means we no longer can eat out because well milk. She very rarely gets commercially bought baby food (tune in another time for my stories and insights by being a baby puree masta!). lol. I always always read labels. And my amazing partner supports me in ways I never thought was possible. He too has now cut milk out for about 95% of his diet. He will go out with the work people for lunch and have a cheeseburger (bugger) but he never talks about his meals nor does he ever suggest going to a restaurant we aren’t sure I can eat in and he knows never to brag about eating cheese in front of me. I make jokes but truly I am blessed with him. We are a team and we cook together and parent together to make this work.

THE DOCTOR VISITS

Avah is regularly assessed by our family doctor and she is gaining remarkably well. She as healthy 15lbs as of today and she eats solid foods so well I already wonder if she has a hollow leg. The doctor has zero concerns at this time with us being dairy free. She’s still breast fed and will be breastfed until she is ready for the switch.. which sadly may be sooner for her than me. We have discussed future ramifications of her diary allergy as well. He doesn’t recommend poking and prodding at her for milk allergy testing as babies can grow out of protein allergies between the age of 9 months and 5 years. When It comes to when she should be switched to cow’s milk she will remain on breast milk and formula meant for a year old and up and she will be assessed at that time. We will reintroduce milk through its various forms when we feel it is possible she is less allergic. AND if she continues to be pass 18 months she will then be referred to a pediatric doctor for future follow up and testing. 

As much as I miss cookies, it's just a sacrifice I have to make to continue breastfeeding which I am MORE than willing to do. If Avah continues to be allergic then we as a family will continue to be dairy free to support one another. All's we can do is take it one step at a time as a family with love and joy and know we are blessed no matter the challenges we face. 

Why I choose to own two "Dangerous Breeds"

When I was a kid we always had dogs. And cats. And usually fish. To say my household was a busy one was an understatement. Now as an adult that has still carried forward in my life. I have always had a dog so life without my dogs would be weird to say the least. Now my dogs combined are 170 lbs and eat approximately 40 kg of dog food a month. Gotta keep those motors running!  I have a American Staffordshire Pit Terrier. Or like some may know a Pitbull. My Thor is the gentle giant you wouldn't expect him to be. While he is lumbering around with 85lbs of not-as-lean-as-he-should-be weight, he does so pretty gently considering. He is a re-homed rescue. I got him from my sister who has had him since he was 9 months old. He was abused and weighted far too little when she got him and he was extremely timid, especially with men.

Thor is a completely renewed dog. He isn't timid. Most days hes our best dog by far, he listens outside, and 95% of the time he can go without a leash. When he is interested in something he just stands there and perks his ears with the cutest head caulk. He's quite intelligent in his own way. He is lazy by default (Wait till I explain onyx). His favorite time of the day is dinner time, he knows the minute your scooping food. But he also knows that rushing to the door where we are with the food wont get it any faster so he just lounges on the couch until you begin walking towards with his bowl. Then he'll get up and stretch a little and take a millennium to physically sit (probably makes it harder for himself to sit that slowly).  One of the cutest things he does is when he plays with you and nibbles you with his very front teeth just ever so gently.

Now his life is pretty fantastic. While he doesn't get as many walks as he probably should, he seems pretty content sleeping on our couches all day and snuggling in the evenings.

With our daughter, he will sit and watch her but keep his distance. When I move with her, he moves with me. He follows us everywhere. Now some may think this is a pretty long intro for just Thor, but I just wanted to let you know, he is a member of our family and while he doesn't know where his feet are in relation to his legs sometimes, I love him wholeheartedly.

Our other dog is Onyx. Now Onyx is 86 lbs and stands 31 inches to his front shoulder and about 36 inches if you measure to his head. In case some of you can't picture that, his shoulders are inline (conveniently in his mind) with my dinner table and he just lifts his head a slight bit to put his nose on the counter. He actually physically sets his head down on the table to beg for dinner. Hes bigger than breed standard not only in his stature but in his personality too. He is a Doberman Pinscher. He's almost three now and probably 10 times calmer then he ever was. Probably 100 times. His breed is often described as stubborn (check), high plus plus energy (check), intelligent (check, check). Glen got him right before we started dating (probably half the reason we started dating), to run with him. They are known for agility and stamina. His favorite toys are balls he could go for what feels like forever playing catch. He guards our house with his lumbering bark, but runs like a chicken from the vaccuum. He has, what seems like endless energy. He has come home from a 10km run he will sit for 15 minutes and be ready to play again. He burns tight tight donuts when he gets really jazzed in the house (it's way cuter then you would expect).

Onyx has the cutest understanding with our daughter. He knows he has to maintain distance. He understands (kinda), that she can't play ball with him yet (This is a big one as normally to get you to play he bumps you continuously with his ball till your annoyed and throws it for him). He watches her from a far and does a daily smell check where he smells her ears and her belly button and her diaper. He noses her gently and gives her the cutest air kisses.

While I make my dog sound like a terror at times, he is really well behaved based on normal peoples expectations. We just set high expectations for both of our meat wagons.

We've been discriminated against quite openly in fact. It's not uncommon for people to cross the street when they see us walking. Our dogs walk beautifully on there leashes right along side a person. Thor never ever barks and hardly pulls, he does love kids though. He just wants to get close and be petted and rub up against them, but I could see how he would look intimidating. Onyx whines and gets bouncy when he is excited. Again, this doesn't help how people perceive him.

They say that when you have your first child you really learn what love is, you realize that the things you loved before aren't as lovely anymore. For me I have really learned that instead of this cliche, having my first baby, has made me realize she is my third. We can almost see what they are thinking, were baffled often by how intelligent they are. I dare say their personalities shin brighter than my own. You go through the same things with them, you watch them learn and grow and figure things out. I'm just as amazed by my daughter learning to roll as I was when Onyx learned to open his toy box. These dogs are very much so a large part of our lives.

We did our research, we knew how to handle them, we knew onyx would come with a stubborn attitude that would need someone more stubborn to outwit him. We let them play hard in the yard and burn energy, we let them be dogs.

As annoying as he is.... I actually love how stubborn Onyx is sometimes.

We push our dogs limits with understanding of the potential consequences. We did it before too but now we do it for our daughter. We know what acceptable play with a dog is, but there are days she will forget. No matter what dog you own you have to treat them with respect. Our dogs put up with far more then you would think. In fact Onyx's favorite hand game is when you flick his ears and he chases your hand around. When he catches it he mouths it then licks it. He also does this cute  thing when you lay under the covers, he digs for you with his nose, digs and digs until he finds you then wants to lick your ears and face and rub his head on you.

Our dogs may be "dangerous breeds" but our dogs are not dangerous. Just ask my 85 lb pitbull who snuggles on the couch with a pillow and blankie.

Help! The 4th month sleep regression!

Well my sweet baby turned 4 months old a few days ago. And the dreaded R word pretty much rode in with her four month milestone to the T. For the passed week we've been struggling with naps not lasting more than 45 minutes. And nights.... we went from the beautiful dreamy and cushy 12 hours a night straight through.... to three to three and a half hours max over night. And sadly for my poor eye bags... usually only 1 1/2 hours to two hours.

It's amazing how fast you can become sleep deprived.... I feel like a zombie. The worst part is that I feel like it's even worst than when I was big and round and waiting for her to make her entry into this world. I was sleep deprived already then. As my belly grew so did the sleep deprivation and the amount I was uncomfortable. This time it's just hitting us all at once. Sadly I can't just sleep in bed till 10 am to make up for all the amount I am losing over night like I did before Avah was born. Now I have this tiny human being that isn't sleeping, and cranky yelling at me.

The sad part is we have probably been shooting ourselves in the foot a little. We have been letting her nap four or five times a day to make up for the amount she isn't napping.... We .... well I have let her sneak into our bed a few times too. Momma needed her shut eye.

The worst part of all of this is that a lot of the literature I read says our 12 hours a night is a thing of the past. That our baby will sleep well again but may never sleep quite like that ever again.

On the other hand.... our baby still isn't doing as bad as she could be. I'm sure every mom who is dealing with a little less sleep reads the story about the mom getting one hour of sleep. REJOICE that is not me and I can tell you a secret. Misery loves company and boy was it a full house after I read that.

Now I realize that some mom's could rolls their eyes at me.... 'pft please it's been a week wait till you've been doing it three months.... well I have three words for them... No thank you. Glen and I have discussed what we are going to begin doing to try to help our baby sleep well again. I've been doing a lot of extra curricular reading on the topic and there thankfully is a lot of resources for times like this. Here's a little compiling of the ones we are going to try!

1. Firm up our routine.

With Christmas having just passed.... we slacked off a little and let things get pretty lax around her. and GASP we even let avah go three days without a bath.. normally she gets a dunky doo as part of her bed time routine. Now I know what your thinking again.... babies don't need a bath everyday. But it's Avah's favorite thing of the day. So we have to get back to that

2. Get up at the same time everyday to facilitate napping during the day.

Again this is a little part of the routine we want to establish with Avah

3. Put her down full.

Loads of mommy blogs advise against feeding associated with sleeping but I really want to make sure Avah is full. I think she may be hungry. And, really who wants to sleep if their tummy is rumbly.

4. Ensure A Clean Diaper

For obvious reasons i'm sure.

5. Ensure we play during the day.

If her mind is stimulated while she is awake she may be tired enough to go down hard for a nap. We have had days were my dog barking wont even make her flinch (and he has a loud booming bark) Even when he barks inside of her room some days.... Other days, you drop a spoon in the kitchen and she's screaming awake. Lol. I prefere the baby who sleeps through the dog.

6. Establish a time for naps.

I want to be putting her down at around the same time during the day, maybe doing this will help her know that about 1030... it's nap time.

7. Tune out. 

We know she is blossoming into a social butterfly and with that certain things like the TV really catches her attention, so i suggest turning the TV of when trying to put them down for a nap. We can hear the TV from Avah's room and some days she really cranes her neck trying to listen to or see the TV.

8. Night time is boring time.

Try to keep stimulation to a 0 at night time so she doesn't start associating it with an opportunity to play.

9. Let her try to put herself back to sleep. 

We want her to be able to sleep. And like always, if she isn't crying for me, she doesn't need me. Just because I can see her moving on the monitor does not mean i'll be going to her.

Well there you have it. I'm so exhausted that something in this pile has to work right??

I'll get back to you to let you know how these things work for me!

UPDATE: FEB 14th, 2016

We have had utter success with our tactics. The first week employing our strategies was tough. Mostly because since I wasn't sleeping great at night I wanted nothing but to sleep in in the morning. But getting her up at the same time everyday really work. As a compromise, I pushed back the alarm an hour. Instead of setting my sights on 830 rise time I went with 930 and when things started getting better I worked it back to 9 then 830 where I had wanted to be originally.

Being clean and FED was really important. She was for sure hungry at times.

We also had to endure a little heart break at times and let her fidget a few times. Especially the first few days. I could hear that she was awake. She would start with chattering to herself then start yelling and possibly escalate to crying a little. I can tell her different types of cries. If I knew she was just crying for me instead of the MOM I SERIOUSLY NEED YOU cry. I just let her sit five minutes, if she was still yelling and whining for me I let her win. We got up and went straight to an activity. I started engaging her. And honestly usually on these days if I played and talked to her for half an hour, you could watch her get tired. After that she usually went down and stayed down. (**For naps during the day)

At night we tried really hard to maintain a dark room, quiet, boring. If everything was boring she didn't want to sleep. Cause who wants to be up in the boring night time to stare at the boring wall. LOL!. But we also made sure if we knew she wasn't hungry (i.e had just ate the previous time awake) we tried not to take her out of her room even. She got re-snuggled and put back to sleep. This is where patience wore thin sometimes. She does this crazy annoying thing, (lol) where she is so tired and relaxed that she has her eyes shut and starts to drift off then she realizes that she is falling asleep so she cries to wake herself up a little and 1/2 a second later back to my calm sleeping baby, over and over and over and over. When she did this we just had to wait it out. We also started setting her down when she was sleepy and surprisingly at night it was easier because the room was dark, nothing to look at. She would fidget a little get comfortable and put herself to sleep. During the day however she would roll over, look at stuff, look out the window. Anything to keep herself stimulated to be awake.

It was a slow month and a half. But i'm very happy to report we have had 3 consecutive days of 730-730. In fact this morning I was sore (since i'm breast feeding) and she was still sleeping at 8 so I may or may not have been a little louder in the kitchen trying to wake her a little.

We also timed her total sleep time and some days she would be sleeping 18 hours and at this age (not that it's a perfect estimation by any means) but typically they need 14-15 hours. And we would see this pattern, great naps and then poor nights. To fix this we would not let her sleep more then 2 hours at a time. If she was having three naps this could mean 6 hours of sleep during the day. If she got much more than this during the day it's understandable why certain days she maybe would get 7 hours over night in total, and that wasn't a habit we wanted to enforce.

Another big one was watching her like a hawk for sleep signs. As she got older they are becoming a lot more hidden. But once her eyes glaze over, it's nap time. But now she will rub her face and her eyes glaze and her eyes get red and she plays different. They sound like they should be a lot easier to see, but the thing is is that she can seem content but be tired where as before I knew it was nap time when she would fuss.

Now I know what your thinking. HA! three days it's all a rouse she'll go back to not sleeping. I've learned a few things on our journey. I know that 730-730 just isn't realistic for every night. But at the same time we went down to waking every hour or two. So i considered it a victory when she slept five in a row. Especially since I have a hard time getting back to sleep at night, sometimes she was up again before I could fall back asleep. Take the small victories, trust me.

A Few Tips & Tricks

1. Start with naps. No one has patience at night when your exhausted. And when your tired, your way less likely to stick to a routine. 

2. Shorten up naps to 1.5 -2.5 hours depending how many times your kids nap during the day.

3. Allow total day time sleeping to only be 1/4 of the appropriate sleep time for your child. I.E. For Avah right now average sleep time is 12-15 hours so I don't let her sleep more then 5 hours during the day in total. 

4. Examine your routine. Is it too complicated? When your frustrated are you just throwing it all out the window in a moment of helplessness?

5. Take the small victories. If you got three hours instead of two, take a deep breath and see this as progress.

6. Understand that it may take a looong time. 

7. And understand that, this too shall pass. At some point in your life your going to be looking back wishing you had this cute little baby to snuggle again. 

8. If things get bad where you become unhappy or grumpy, put life on pause for the day. Cut down to only necessities and lean on your partner. Is it important to you to get your baby and other kids dressed every day? Try a lazy day on the couch with your kids in jammies to have a little catch up day. And who knows maybe mom will sneak in a few minutes of blissful shut eye. 

9. Bust out the freezer meals. Nothing more annoying than having a tired baby, being tired and trying to make a meal. Freezer meals are a god send in this situation. 

10. Stick to your guns. You'll make it through. And the more conviction to a routine that works for you (whatever it may be) the more likely you are to see success in the end. And just know there will be days you will question EVERYTHING. And thats okay too :)

Have I Done Enough Today?

I was reading a lot of literature today for my psychology class particularly on mindfulness and the concepts like increased awareness, being present in the moment, self-compassion and accepting things as they are. Now, if your like me, my mind jumps to pictures of serene yoga poses in front of vast oceans and pictures of fluffy life things. Ironically,I was reading about how "mindful behavioral therapy" works while spacing out and trying to compile my list of "to-do's" for the evening.

One of my favorite pictures of my parents. 

5 Tips for Busy New Moms

I'm a little busy... I did it to myself too. I'm a first time mom to a beautiful 3 month old. I'm trying to plan a wedding, take my RN degree long distance, blog, eat healthy by eating at home, and lose my baby weight for the wedding... and since I'm so busy I'm POSITIVE I'm forgetting at least two things. But since I've been home I have learned a few tricks to my day.

How I got my 8 week old baby to sleep through the night.

Now as a little disclaimer. I can tell you not every baby will sleep through the night until they are much older. Not every baby you have will be the same. That being said this is just what worked for us, and we hit the jackpot.

A Little About Us

Avah was born a week early at a healthy 7lb 6 oz. She was a great eater and a great sleeper from the start and we recognize how very very lucky we are. Avah was awake the first four hours after she was born then had a great feed and slept for three hours! Like I said it started out great!

Babies will naturally fall into a pattern on their own. It is what happens AFTER they have developed their own pattern that really makes the differences.

Our 3-month routine!

My baby reaches a significant milestone this week: the big 1/4 of a year old. Our precious 3 months have been so wonderful! Like any good relationship, we've had our up and downs. Happily I can say more good than bad. I will admit I did have a day when I spent probably a full hour on the phone with my fiance at work, ugly crying about being overwhelmed. Since that fateful day, I've had one large driving thought. 

WE MUST HAVE A ROUTINE, WE MUST, WE MUST.

 I read up on all the milestones she should achieve around the three month mark and decided which ones were most important to me. Out of these I decided which ones we were going to be apart of our daily routine, and also decided what was important for me. For me I decided I needed at least two hours a day to work on school and I wanted to be able to run three days a week (mostly so I didn't have an ugly cry moment again). As a mother, you can pick anything of importance to you that you NEED to be able to do to maintain sanity. This may include things like cooking dinner each night, having 30 minutes of "you time" in the evening, or even as simple as showering each day before 4 o'clock in the afternoon (which is sadly harder than it should be some days).  From here we started small. Since my baby was around 5 weeks old when I started this routine, I didn't want anything complicated. I also moulded it around what we were basically already doing. Now that she is awake a little longer it has changed some. 

 Our daily routine TYPICALLY (we do have days that are completely off course, and that's okay) looks something like this: 

8:30 I get out of bed!

Since we are now trying to move Avah's bedtime earlier this tends to happen around 7:45. Avah normally wakes up quite happy. She babbles and lets me know she's awake. I get up and unravel her from her swaddle. I open the blinds and make it day time in her room. I typically turn her mobile on to extend some time out of her. She coo's and kicks while I get dress, and do some minor grooming. I also start the coffee pot (KEY STEP!), and let my dogs outside to pee.  

8:45 We start our day!

Avah will either cry to let me know she's ready or I pick her up. I change her bum, change her out of her jammies and feed her. I typically will try to sneak my breakfast in at this point. I find it easiest if she is really enjoying kicking around watching her mobile, I just keep winding it while I eat and we talk. 

9:00 She plays!

We come out to the living room. This is probably when Avah is the happiest during the day. I lay her on her play mat and she kicks and coo's and yell's and smiles at herself in the mirror, all while I do small household tasks like starting laundry, paying bills, responding to emails, or tidying my counters. 

10:00 She naps!

Avah plays on her mat independently until she is ready for some snuggles. She tends to play for about 30-40 minutes just hammering away on her little piano with her feet. She lets me knows she wants to snuggle by fussing but not quite crying (if i ignore her a little to long it tends to escalate quickly to a small meltdown). We sit and snuggle for a bit then start her nap routine (Check back for my post on our nap/bedtime routine!). She is normally down between 9:30 10:00 depending on when we get out of bed. 

12:00 She gets up! 

When Avah gets up she always gets her diaper changed and she typically eats. If it's during the week my fiance gets home and he spends time with her while we eat. On weekends this time does vary more. 

12:30 We play!

My fiance generally goes back to work during this time. I like to vary what we are doing during this time day to day. Sometimes we sit and talk on the couch and talk, other times we focus on tummy time and practicing rolling over on the floor in her room. 

2:00 She naps!

Our afternoon nap is the nap we have struggled with for  most of the time. It can start anywhere between 1:00 and 3:30 and she can sleep anywhere from 40 minutes to 3 hours (I wake her up at the three hour mark to save our bedtime routine). But generally once she does go down for her nap this is when I work on my school work. 

4:00 She gets up!

Avah gets up. We diaper and feed. then she is really ready to rock. We typically play quite a bit. We dance and talk and do tummy time. Or we watch a movie and sit focusing on different thing. Daddy gets home at 4:30ish. Once he gets home he takes over and I go for a run if I want. I am blessed that we share most of the responsibilities in our home so I don't always feel obligated to make dinner or be doing specific things. 

6:30 Supper!

Typically we eat dinner around this time. Earlier if we are going out for groceries on a Friday or later if it's a lazy day. We might go out for a visit or do running around. We also may be found with both of us working on school work after dinner. 

**5:00-6:00 Possible Nap.**

Depending on our day Avah may or may not have a 20-45 minute nap. It all depends on our day. If she does nap it tends to be in her chair or swing, while we make/eat supper. 

8:00 Bathtime!

Bath time is a favorite of Avah's. She just loves to kick around in the warm water. And this is the start of our bed time routine. As I said before we are trying to adjust Avah to our ideal bedtime of 8:00. More and more often she is going down about 8:30-9:00. But it can be anywhere between 8:30 and 11:00 depending on how awake and ready to play she is. 

9:00 Bedtime for Avah!

Avah gets an extended version of our nap routine but it's always the same. She will fight sleeping but not usually very long. 

11:00 Bedtime for Mommy!

If Avah went down at 9:00 I generally wake her up for a dream feed before I go to bed. I try to stir her minimally, keep her as warm as possible, and feed her till she is either done or falls back asleep. After she goes down she is down for the night. I know right?? I'm super lucky for that, but I do attribute most of my success to not only having a pretty chill baby but also we had a game plan from the start.

If Avah goes down late..er. but not really late She will be up around 6:30. I typically change her and feed her and snuggle her back into bed like we did over night before. If she does get up around six we generally have a later start to the day since we sleep in a little. 

This routine works great for us. I feel like Avah likes it too. She very rarely cries because once she fusses I can just anticipate her needs better. There are some days when this goes out the door, but we still have an okay day.

10 signs you might be a new mom.

Recently I have had the pleasure of bringing my bundle of joy into this world. She currently is 10 weeks old and I'm livin' the dream! I'm a first time mom and I'll be the first to admit that I'm clearly a beginner. But there is one thing I have noticed on my many journeys to the grocery store… new moms… we are beyond easy to spot.

Here’s how you can identify your fellow new mothers with 

10 early warning signs of a new mother:

1.     Utter perfection... if you don't look too close. 

Before we all had children, we had organization in our lives (and I don't mean the pretty clear containers from large box store) I mean, we had routine we got up ate breakfast got ready went to work. So on and so forth. We on the outside wore the badge of hate for "routine" but secretly we all miss it. Now we just try to make sure our hair is brushed and that we have jeans on so we aren't "that mother" in the grocery store (you know who I'm talking about the one with slick back greasy hair an oversized shirt that has numerous stains on it, baggy sweat pants and floppy boots, with bags under her eyes the size of a land yacht). The make-up and calm and collected hair styles may be gone but we all, almost kill ourselves to be super mom... the one who can put on her make-up AND dress the baby before a grocery store outing. Normally however we fail miserably... refer to the description of "that mom" to learn how to accurately identify your very first - first time mom.

2.     These birds of a feather…do not flock together.

We all try to isolate ourselves for some silly reason. Again I feel this stems from the desire to be a mother who can do it all. It's like there is an unwritten rule among first time moms. Only one per grocery aisle please. So commonly you will find one mother cowered by the oranges and the next sighting won’t be until your near the cheese aisle. We spread out like butter in a frying pan. 

3.     Pondering life decisions in front of the cookie aisle.

When I first found out I was going to be a mother, I felt overwhelmed... where do you start reading in the sea of parental information??? I often found myself wondering and contemplating where I would take a stand-on "important issues". Formula or Breastfed? Would I breastfeed in public? Should I get a 'Baby on Board' Sign? Sadly I often found myself wondering about these at all times of the day. In front of the cookies, at the traffic lights, waiting in line for McDonald's. So be on the look-out for your fellow mothers. We can show up anywhere. The bread aisle, the cookies, or ramming into you with our carts while we day dream, or the worse....holding up a line of people and not even realizing you had stopped walking... (Guilty). 

4. Desperate wondering eyes.

Since we are new at this, we are constantly evaluating ourselves. Are we doing it right? Am I holding the baby right? Am I using my stroller effectively as a grocery cart? Since we are so new at it we are looking for validation and it comes in the form of judging ourselves against our fellow mother counterparts. Often, we can be found gazing at another mother’s stroller, or how she is disciplining her child in the grocery store. Constantly seeking information and creating a list of how we stack up against the competition so to speak. We are also looking for helpful tips... Really we all want to know how the lady with a baby in the cart and three toddling behind her still has time to look fantastic and have any patience. If she can handle four, why do we feel so lost with just one??

5. We roll up larger than life!

This has to be the most classic sign of a new mother. We roll up to do a quick shop with our Jogging stroller, our baby carrier, the diaper bag, two types of coats, a hat, mittens, two suckies, and toys... for our newborn baby. This baby I promise... will sleep the entire time you shop... especially at the beginning. But for some reason we haven't learned how to cut down on the things we don't need
. 

6. Them baggies don’t hide themselves.

Recall the line about "that mother" and the under eye baggies the size of land yachts. That's right we all wear a badge and it's not on our arms. Whether your variety comes with puffy eyes or just circles that are so black you think your soul will be sucked into them if you look too long, it's there. Whether you only got four hours last night or twelve. It's still an adjustment period with new babies and it's tough to find your rhythm. 

**Added Bonus: Some of us will be found in the make-up department lusting after new products to cover said badges... side note- I'm still searching. 

7. A puffed chest and sense of pride.

We walk around with a look on our faces at a time. Normally when our baby is being quiet and cute and usually sleeping. We want to boast about our bundle and how they spew utter perfection. We hold our heads a little higher after the mom with four kids gives us the 'nod'. We think it means 'oh she looks like she’s managing so well'. I've heard it actually is a look of lust. One that carries the message 'Why did I have more kids... One baby was so easy... ah the good old days'. 

8. One of two evils: Need to be dragged out of the store OR Super speed + impatience.

I belong to the first category. Normally I try to find ways to stay at the store if I have a quiet baby. I led quiet an active life before baby and I long for the days when I could power shop numerous stores. Now since it takes longer to go everywhere and do everything, I search for ways to stay at the current place I'm at since I'm already there and I don't want to be at home. Now if you find no mothers who are trying to actively stay in a store much longer than necessary, you may also find the super speed version. This mother commonly is found with a 'do I really need deodorant' look on her face while she is trying to minimize the number of aisles she has to visit to complete her list. This mother is also found to be impatience at the checkout counter with a very evident, Get in, and Get out attitude. 

9. Cluster of grandparents 

Now grandparents - the cliché kind - flock to new mothers. Their radars are ultra-sensitive to them. If your still having trouble identifying a new mother. Look for the grandparent sign. These are the other population who stop mom's to ask the pertinent questions like: AWWW! How old? Good baby? How are they sleeping? This person doesn't know them. They just love babies and want to talk to all the moms about theirs. Now I know you’re thinking well... grandparents will flock to all moms not just new ones. That's where you’re wrong. The older generation came from a time of politeness and courtesy. They won’t strike up a conversation unless you make eye-contact. This is where you can spot the new moms. They commonly make eye contact. Thus leading to more frequent stops.

10. The easiest sign of all: They look just like you. 

They are struggling, just like you. They are succeeding, just like you. While we all try to find our confidence of days-long-ago past, be kind to the impatient mother and make small talk with each other. And if you see a new mom struggling give her 'the - I've been there too - nod'. It will brighten your day when you need it.

Life with a new Little Love

When I first got pregnant, I had a range of emotions (mostly fear). Would I be a good mom? Would I be a scary person after in the eyes of my fiancé? Would I be able to be enough? And love enough? And give up my care-free, major-holiday-twice-a-year, healthy eating lifestyle? What if I miss those things?

When my baby was born, I sadly did not have the connection I had thought I would. And it scared me. I drove home numerous nights from my job, while I was pregnant, with big crocodile tears in my eyes thinking about my dad never having the chance to meet my new baby, about the father I just knew my husband would be, about the beautiful memories I would have from this life changing day. I never thought about myself in that position until near the end. And when I did start thinking about it I never had those crocodile, welled-up, lump in my throat tears. And that was TERRIFYING.

At last the beautiful day arrived (by that time I was begging the `D-Day` to rear its head... and quickly). I was admitted to the hospital and my husband had that moment.... that holy S**T, I’m going to be a parent the next time I leave this place moment.... I was just hoping I would finally be able to see the skin below my belly button, without the use of a mirror.

My daughter took her time to arrive in this world. 21 hours from time we were admitted- type of took her time. It was a whirl wind and a large amount of overwhelmingly new experiences. But when my baby finally made her entrance into this world.... nothing.... I watched as my husband`s eye welled with tears, my mom watched over my new daughter with anticipation and excitement. I felt nothing, I was just so relieved it was over. I was crushed that I didn`t cry about the birth of my daughter. I, at one point, tried to force myself to cry. Not a single tear shed.

I felt that overwhelmingly crushing feeling of emotion. How was I supposed to be a good mom if I couldn`t even be so happy I cried about her finally being here.

But at last we were released from the hospital, a purgatory of sorts, and we made our first trek home.

We took everything. The blanket she was handed to me in, her little cap, her bassinet paper, everything we could to remember her first marks on this world.

I was finally home with her, ready to finally be a mom, to have the holy S**t moment.

I can say that today my daughter is now 10 weeks and 6 days old, and it still hasn`t happened.

BUT I have had a little epiphany of sorts. My life is completely different, yet exactly the same. It changed in all the right ways, yet the things that made me, me, those haven`t changed. My husband and I didn`t find it difficult to cook meals those first few weeks. I actually ended up throwing out some of the meals we had cook ahead of time. We still eat really healthy like we did before. We still grocery shop every Friday night like clockwork. I love those things about our life, I loved OUR special routine. Avah just became a part of that special routine. Now, instead of snuggling into bed to watch Netflix at 8, we are bathing and playing with Avah.

We have all heard the terribly tacky cliché’s that one day you`ll never be able to remember what life was like before them. I remember but, I wouldn`t go back to those days before her.

Photo Credit: Little Moments Matter Photography

I realize now that even after you fix the nursery just right, have everything washed in perfume free soap, have all your organic, dye-free, crap-free everything, that none (and sadly... I truly mean none) of any of that matters. Am I a good mother?? Absolutely. Am I a perfect mother? No. no I am not. And I’m okay with that... mostly. I still have so much time and so much love to give to my daughter but I know that time and love, are the two most important things I could give her. And the most beautiful thing about children.... they forget the past quite quickly... they don't care you ate the whole 8 pack box of chocolate bars this week while hiding in the pantry. They don't remember that you nearly dropped them face first in their kiddy tub when you were taking them out (...oops, CAUTION turns out bubble bath makes babies really slippery). They most of all don't care you didn't cry the minute they came out. They just care that you love them, snuggle them, and feed them. And DAMN. I do those things well.