Have I Done Enough Today?

I was reading a lot of literature today for my psychology class particularly on mindfulness and the concepts like increased awareness, being present in the moment, self-compassion and accepting things as they are. Now, if your like me, my mind jumps to pictures of serene yoga poses in front of vast oceans and pictures of fluffy life things. Ironically,I was reading about how "mindful behavioral therapy" works while spacing out and trying to compile my list of "to-do's" for the evening.

One of my favorite pictures of my parents. 

5 Tips for Busy New Moms

I'm a little busy... I did it to myself too. I'm a first time mom to a beautiful 3 month old. I'm trying to plan a wedding, take my RN degree long distance, blog, eat healthy by eating at home, and lose my baby weight for the wedding... and since I'm so busy I'm POSITIVE I'm forgetting at least two things. But since I've been home I have learned a few tricks to my day.

How I got my 8 week old baby to sleep through the night.

Now as a little disclaimer. I can tell you not every baby will sleep through the night until they are much older. Not every baby you have will be the same. That being said this is just what worked for us, and we hit the jackpot.

A Little About Us

Avah was born a week early at a healthy 7lb 6 oz. She was a great eater and a great sleeper from the start and we recognize how very very lucky we are. Avah was awake the first four hours after she was born then had a great feed and slept for three hours! Like I said it started out great!

Babies will naturally fall into a pattern on their own. It is what happens AFTER they have developed their own pattern that really makes the differences.

Our 3-month routine!

My baby reaches a significant milestone this week: the big 1/4 of a year old. Our precious 3 months have been so wonderful! Like any good relationship, we've had our up and downs. Happily I can say more good than bad. I will admit I did have a day when I spent probably a full hour on the phone with my fiance at work, ugly crying about being overwhelmed. Since that fateful day, I've had one large driving thought. 

WE MUST HAVE A ROUTINE, WE MUST, WE MUST.

 I read up on all the milestones she should achieve around the three month mark and decided which ones were most important to me. Out of these I decided which ones we were going to be apart of our daily routine, and also decided what was important for me. For me I decided I needed at least two hours a day to work on school and I wanted to be able to run three days a week (mostly so I didn't have an ugly cry moment again). As a mother, you can pick anything of importance to you that you NEED to be able to do to maintain sanity. This may include things like cooking dinner each night, having 30 minutes of "you time" in the evening, or even as simple as showering each day before 4 o'clock in the afternoon (which is sadly harder than it should be some days).  From here we started small. Since my baby was around 5 weeks old when I started this routine, I didn't want anything complicated. I also moulded it around what we were basically already doing. Now that she is awake a little longer it has changed some. 

 Our daily routine TYPICALLY (we do have days that are completely off course, and that's okay) looks something like this: 

8:30 I get out of bed!

Since we are now trying to move Avah's bedtime earlier this tends to happen around 7:45. Avah normally wakes up quite happy. She babbles and lets me know she's awake. I get up and unravel her from her swaddle. I open the blinds and make it day time in her room. I typically turn her mobile on to extend some time out of her. She coo's and kicks while I get dress, and do some minor grooming. I also start the coffee pot (KEY STEP!), and let my dogs outside to pee.  

8:45 We start our day!

Avah will either cry to let me know she's ready or I pick her up. I change her bum, change her out of her jammies and feed her. I typically will try to sneak my breakfast in at this point. I find it easiest if she is really enjoying kicking around watching her mobile, I just keep winding it while I eat and we talk. 

9:00 She plays!

We come out to the living room. This is probably when Avah is the happiest during the day. I lay her on her play mat and she kicks and coo's and yell's and smiles at herself in the mirror, all while I do small household tasks like starting laundry, paying bills, responding to emails, or tidying my counters. 

10:00 She naps!

Avah plays on her mat independently until she is ready for some snuggles. She tends to play for about 30-40 minutes just hammering away on her little piano with her feet. She lets me knows she wants to snuggle by fussing but not quite crying (if i ignore her a little to long it tends to escalate quickly to a small meltdown). We sit and snuggle for a bit then start her nap routine (Check back for my post on our nap/bedtime routine!). She is normally down between 9:30 10:00 depending on when we get out of bed. 

12:00 She gets up! 

When Avah gets up she always gets her diaper changed and she typically eats. If it's during the week my fiance gets home and he spends time with her while we eat. On weekends this time does vary more. 

12:30 We play!

My fiance generally goes back to work during this time. I like to vary what we are doing during this time day to day. Sometimes we sit and talk on the couch and talk, other times we focus on tummy time and practicing rolling over on the floor in her room. 

2:00 She naps!

Our afternoon nap is the nap we have struggled with for  most of the time. It can start anywhere between 1:00 and 3:30 and she can sleep anywhere from 40 minutes to 3 hours (I wake her up at the three hour mark to save our bedtime routine). But generally once she does go down for her nap this is when I work on my school work. 

4:00 She gets up!

Avah gets up. We diaper and feed. then she is really ready to rock. We typically play quite a bit. We dance and talk and do tummy time. Or we watch a movie and sit focusing on different thing. Daddy gets home at 4:30ish. Once he gets home he takes over and I go for a run if I want. I am blessed that we share most of the responsibilities in our home so I don't always feel obligated to make dinner or be doing specific things. 

6:30 Supper!

Typically we eat dinner around this time. Earlier if we are going out for groceries on a Friday or later if it's a lazy day. We might go out for a visit or do running around. We also may be found with both of us working on school work after dinner. 

**5:00-6:00 Possible Nap.**

Depending on our day Avah may or may not have a 20-45 minute nap. It all depends on our day. If she does nap it tends to be in her chair or swing, while we make/eat supper. 

8:00 Bathtime!

Bath time is a favorite of Avah's. She just loves to kick around in the warm water. And this is the start of our bed time routine. As I said before we are trying to adjust Avah to our ideal bedtime of 8:00. More and more often she is going down about 8:30-9:00. But it can be anywhere between 8:30 and 11:00 depending on how awake and ready to play she is. 

9:00 Bedtime for Avah!

Avah gets an extended version of our nap routine but it's always the same. She will fight sleeping but not usually very long. 

11:00 Bedtime for Mommy!

If Avah went down at 9:00 I generally wake her up for a dream feed before I go to bed. I try to stir her minimally, keep her as warm as possible, and feed her till she is either done or falls back asleep. After she goes down she is down for the night. I know right?? I'm super lucky for that, but I do attribute most of my success to not only having a pretty chill baby but also we had a game plan from the start.

If Avah goes down late..er. but not really late She will be up around 6:30. I typically change her and feed her and snuggle her back into bed like we did over night before. If she does get up around six we generally have a later start to the day since we sleep in a little. 

This routine works great for us. I feel like Avah likes it too. She very rarely cries because once she fusses I can just anticipate her needs better. There are some days when this goes out the door, but we still have an okay day.

10 signs you might be a new mom.

Recently I have had the pleasure of bringing my bundle of joy into this world. She currently is 10 weeks old and I'm livin' the dream! I'm a first time mom and I'll be the first to admit that I'm clearly a beginner. But there is one thing I have noticed on my many journeys to the grocery store… new moms… we are beyond easy to spot.

Here’s how you can identify your fellow new mothers with 

10 early warning signs of a new mother:

1.     Utter perfection... if you don't look too close. 

Before we all had children, we had organization in our lives (and I don't mean the pretty clear containers from large box store) I mean, we had routine we got up ate breakfast got ready went to work. So on and so forth. We on the outside wore the badge of hate for "routine" but secretly we all miss it. Now we just try to make sure our hair is brushed and that we have jeans on so we aren't "that mother" in the grocery store (you know who I'm talking about the one with slick back greasy hair an oversized shirt that has numerous stains on it, baggy sweat pants and floppy boots, with bags under her eyes the size of a land yacht). The make-up and calm and collected hair styles may be gone but we all, almost kill ourselves to be super mom... the one who can put on her make-up AND dress the baby before a grocery store outing. Normally however we fail miserably... refer to the description of "that mom" to learn how to accurately identify your very first - first time mom.

2.     These birds of a feather…do not flock together.

We all try to isolate ourselves for some silly reason. Again I feel this stems from the desire to be a mother who can do it all. It's like there is an unwritten rule among first time moms. Only one per grocery aisle please. So commonly you will find one mother cowered by the oranges and the next sighting won’t be until your near the cheese aisle. We spread out like butter in a frying pan. 

3.     Pondering life decisions in front of the cookie aisle.

When I first found out I was going to be a mother, I felt overwhelmed... where do you start reading in the sea of parental information??? I often found myself wondering and contemplating where I would take a stand-on "important issues". Formula or Breastfed? Would I breastfeed in public? Should I get a 'Baby on Board' Sign? Sadly I often found myself wondering about these at all times of the day. In front of the cookies, at the traffic lights, waiting in line for McDonald's. So be on the look-out for your fellow mothers. We can show up anywhere. The bread aisle, the cookies, or ramming into you with our carts while we day dream, or the worse....holding up a line of people and not even realizing you had stopped walking... (Guilty). 

4. Desperate wondering eyes.

Since we are new at this, we are constantly evaluating ourselves. Are we doing it right? Am I holding the baby right? Am I using my stroller effectively as a grocery cart? Since we are so new at it we are looking for validation and it comes in the form of judging ourselves against our fellow mother counterparts. Often, we can be found gazing at another mother’s stroller, or how she is disciplining her child in the grocery store. Constantly seeking information and creating a list of how we stack up against the competition so to speak. We are also looking for helpful tips... Really we all want to know how the lady with a baby in the cart and three toddling behind her still has time to look fantastic and have any patience. If she can handle four, why do we feel so lost with just one??

5. We roll up larger than life!

This has to be the most classic sign of a new mother. We roll up to do a quick shop with our Jogging stroller, our baby carrier, the diaper bag, two types of coats, a hat, mittens, two suckies, and toys... for our newborn baby. This baby I promise... will sleep the entire time you shop... especially at the beginning. But for some reason we haven't learned how to cut down on the things we don't need
. 

6. Them baggies don’t hide themselves.

Recall the line about "that mother" and the under eye baggies the size of land yachts. That's right we all wear a badge and it's not on our arms. Whether your variety comes with puffy eyes or just circles that are so black you think your soul will be sucked into them if you look too long, it's there. Whether you only got four hours last night or twelve. It's still an adjustment period with new babies and it's tough to find your rhythm. 

**Added Bonus: Some of us will be found in the make-up department lusting after new products to cover said badges... side note- I'm still searching. 

7. A puffed chest and sense of pride.

We walk around with a look on our faces at a time. Normally when our baby is being quiet and cute and usually sleeping. We want to boast about our bundle and how they spew utter perfection. We hold our heads a little higher after the mom with four kids gives us the 'nod'. We think it means 'oh she looks like she’s managing so well'. I've heard it actually is a look of lust. One that carries the message 'Why did I have more kids... One baby was so easy... ah the good old days'. 

8. One of two evils: Need to be dragged out of the store OR Super speed + impatience.

I belong to the first category. Normally I try to find ways to stay at the store if I have a quiet baby. I led quiet an active life before baby and I long for the days when I could power shop numerous stores. Now since it takes longer to go everywhere and do everything, I search for ways to stay at the current place I'm at since I'm already there and I don't want to be at home. Now if you find no mothers who are trying to actively stay in a store much longer than necessary, you may also find the super speed version. This mother commonly is found with a 'do I really need deodorant' look on her face while she is trying to minimize the number of aisles she has to visit to complete her list. This mother is also found to be impatience at the checkout counter with a very evident, Get in, and Get out attitude. 

9. Cluster of grandparents 

Now grandparents - the cliché kind - flock to new mothers. Their radars are ultra-sensitive to them. If your still having trouble identifying a new mother. Look for the grandparent sign. These are the other population who stop mom's to ask the pertinent questions like: AWWW! How old? Good baby? How are they sleeping? This person doesn't know them. They just love babies and want to talk to all the moms about theirs. Now I know you’re thinking well... grandparents will flock to all moms not just new ones. That's where you’re wrong. The older generation came from a time of politeness and courtesy. They won’t strike up a conversation unless you make eye-contact. This is where you can spot the new moms. They commonly make eye contact. Thus leading to more frequent stops.

10. The easiest sign of all: They look just like you. 

They are struggling, just like you. They are succeeding, just like you. While we all try to find our confidence of days-long-ago past, be kind to the impatient mother and make small talk with each other. And if you see a new mom struggling give her 'the - I've been there too - nod'. It will brighten your day when you need it.

Life with a new Little Love

When I first got pregnant, I had a range of emotions (mostly fear). Would I be a good mom? Would I be a scary person after in the eyes of my fiancé? Would I be able to be enough? And love enough? And give up my care-free, major-holiday-twice-a-year, healthy eating lifestyle? What if I miss those things?

When my baby was born, I sadly did not have the connection I had thought I would. And it scared me. I drove home numerous nights from my job, while I was pregnant, with big crocodile tears in my eyes thinking about my dad never having the chance to meet my new baby, about the father I just knew my husband would be, about the beautiful memories I would have from this life changing day. I never thought about myself in that position until near the end. And when I did start thinking about it I never had those crocodile, welled-up, lump in my throat tears. And that was TERRIFYING.

At last the beautiful day arrived (by that time I was begging the `D-Day` to rear its head... and quickly). I was admitted to the hospital and my husband had that moment.... that holy S**T, I’m going to be a parent the next time I leave this place moment.... I was just hoping I would finally be able to see the skin below my belly button, without the use of a mirror.

My daughter took her time to arrive in this world. 21 hours from time we were admitted- type of took her time. It was a whirl wind and a large amount of overwhelmingly new experiences. But when my baby finally made her entrance into this world.... nothing.... I watched as my husband`s eye welled with tears, my mom watched over my new daughter with anticipation and excitement. I felt nothing, I was just so relieved it was over. I was crushed that I didn`t cry about the birth of my daughter. I, at one point, tried to force myself to cry. Not a single tear shed.

I felt that overwhelmingly crushing feeling of emotion. How was I supposed to be a good mom if I couldn`t even be so happy I cried about her finally being here.

But at last we were released from the hospital, a purgatory of sorts, and we made our first trek home.

We took everything. The blanket she was handed to me in, her little cap, her bassinet paper, everything we could to remember her first marks on this world.

I was finally home with her, ready to finally be a mom, to have the holy S**t moment.

I can say that today my daughter is now 10 weeks and 6 days old, and it still hasn`t happened.

BUT I have had a little epiphany of sorts. My life is completely different, yet exactly the same. It changed in all the right ways, yet the things that made me, me, those haven`t changed. My husband and I didn`t find it difficult to cook meals those first few weeks. I actually ended up throwing out some of the meals we had cook ahead of time. We still eat really healthy like we did before. We still grocery shop every Friday night like clockwork. I love those things about our life, I loved OUR special routine. Avah just became a part of that special routine. Now, instead of snuggling into bed to watch Netflix at 8, we are bathing and playing with Avah.

We have all heard the terribly tacky cliché’s that one day you`ll never be able to remember what life was like before them. I remember but, I wouldn`t go back to those days before her.

Photo Credit: Little Moments Matter Photography

I realize now that even after you fix the nursery just right, have everything washed in perfume free soap, have all your organic, dye-free, crap-free everything, that none (and sadly... I truly mean none) of any of that matters. Am I a good mother?? Absolutely. Am I a perfect mother? No. no I am not. And I’m okay with that... mostly. I still have so much time and so much love to give to my daughter but I know that time and love, are the two most important things I could give her. And the most beautiful thing about children.... they forget the past quite quickly... they don't care you ate the whole 8 pack box of chocolate bars this week while hiding in the pantry. They don't remember that you nearly dropped them face first in their kiddy tub when you were taking them out (...oops, CAUTION turns out bubble bath makes babies really slippery). They most of all don't care you didn't cry the minute they came out. They just care that you love them, snuggle them, and feed them. And DAMN. I do those things well.