10 signs you might be a new mom.

Recently I have had the pleasure of bringing my bundle of joy into this world. She currently is 10 weeks old and I'm livin' the dream! I'm a first time mom and I'll be the first to admit that I'm clearly a beginner. But there is one thing I have noticed on my many journeys to the grocery store… new moms… we are beyond easy to spot.

Here’s how you can identify your fellow new mothers with 

10 early warning signs of a new mother:

1.     Utter perfection... if you don't look too close. 

Before we all had children, we had organization in our lives (and I don't mean the pretty clear containers from large box store) I mean, we had routine we got up ate breakfast got ready went to work. So on and so forth. We on the outside wore the badge of hate for "routine" but secretly we all miss it. Now we just try to make sure our hair is brushed and that we have jeans on so we aren't "that mother" in the grocery store (you know who I'm talking about the one with slick back greasy hair an oversized shirt that has numerous stains on it, baggy sweat pants and floppy boots, with bags under her eyes the size of a land yacht). The make-up and calm and collected hair styles may be gone but we all, almost kill ourselves to be super mom... the one who can put on her make-up AND dress the baby before a grocery store outing. Normally however we fail miserably... refer to the description of "that mom" to learn how to accurately identify your very first - first time mom.

2.     These birds of a feather…do not flock together.

We all try to isolate ourselves for some silly reason. Again I feel this stems from the desire to be a mother who can do it all. It's like there is an unwritten rule among first time moms. Only one per grocery aisle please. So commonly you will find one mother cowered by the oranges and the next sighting won’t be until your near the cheese aisle. We spread out like butter in a frying pan. 

3.     Pondering life decisions in front of the cookie aisle.

When I first found out I was going to be a mother, I felt overwhelmed... where do you start reading in the sea of parental information??? I often found myself wondering and contemplating where I would take a stand-on "important issues". Formula or Breastfed? Would I breastfeed in public? Should I get a 'Baby on Board' Sign? Sadly I often found myself wondering about these at all times of the day. In front of the cookies, at the traffic lights, waiting in line for McDonald's. So be on the look-out for your fellow mothers. We can show up anywhere. The bread aisle, the cookies, or ramming into you with our carts while we day dream, or the worse....holding up a line of people and not even realizing you had stopped walking... (Guilty). 

4. Desperate wondering eyes.

Since we are new at this, we are constantly evaluating ourselves. Are we doing it right? Am I holding the baby right? Am I using my stroller effectively as a grocery cart? Since we are so new at it we are looking for validation and it comes in the form of judging ourselves against our fellow mother counterparts. Often, we can be found gazing at another mother’s stroller, or how she is disciplining her child in the grocery store. Constantly seeking information and creating a list of how we stack up against the competition so to speak. We are also looking for helpful tips... Really we all want to know how the lady with a baby in the cart and three toddling behind her still has time to look fantastic and have any patience. If she can handle four, why do we feel so lost with just one??

5. We roll up larger than life!

This has to be the most classic sign of a new mother. We roll up to do a quick shop with our Jogging stroller, our baby carrier, the diaper bag, two types of coats, a hat, mittens, two suckies, and toys... for our newborn baby. This baby I promise... will sleep the entire time you shop... especially at the beginning. But for some reason we haven't learned how to cut down on the things we don't need
. 

6. Them baggies don’t hide themselves.

Recall the line about "that mother" and the under eye baggies the size of land yachts. That's right we all wear a badge and it's not on our arms. Whether your variety comes with puffy eyes or just circles that are so black you think your soul will be sucked into them if you look too long, it's there. Whether you only got four hours last night or twelve. It's still an adjustment period with new babies and it's tough to find your rhythm. 

**Added Bonus: Some of us will be found in the make-up department lusting after new products to cover said badges... side note- I'm still searching. 

7. A puffed chest and sense of pride.

We walk around with a look on our faces at a time. Normally when our baby is being quiet and cute and usually sleeping. We want to boast about our bundle and how they spew utter perfection. We hold our heads a little higher after the mom with four kids gives us the 'nod'. We think it means 'oh she looks like she’s managing so well'. I've heard it actually is a look of lust. One that carries the message 'Why did I have more kids... One baby was so easy... ah the good old days'. 

8. One of two evils: Need to be dragged out of the store OR Super speed + impatience.

I belong to the first category. Normally I try to find ways to stay at the store if I have a quiet baby. I led quiet an active life before baby and I long for the days when I could power shop numerous stores. Now since it takes longer to go everywhere and do everything, I search for ways to stay at the current place I'm at since I'm already there and I don't want to be at home. Now if you find no mothers who are trying to actively stay in a store much longer than necessary, you may also find the super speed version. This mother commonly is found with a 'do I really need deodorant' look on her face while she is trying to minimize the number of aisles she has to visit to complete her list. This mother is also found to be impatience at the checkout counter with a very evident, Get in, and Get out attitude. 

9. Cluster of grandparents 

Now grandparents - the cliché kind - flock to new mothers. Their radars are ultra-sensitive to them. If your still having trouble identifying a new mother. Look for the grandparent sign. These are the other population who stop mom's to ask the pertinent questions like: AWWW! How old? Good baby? How are they sleeping? This person doesn't know them. They just love babies and want to talk to all the moms about theirs. Now I know you’re thinking well... grandparents will flock to all moms not just new ones. That's where you’re wrong. The older generation came from a time of politeness and courtesy. They won’t strike up a conversation unless you make eye-contact. This is where you can spot the new moms. They commonly make eye contact. Thus leading to more frequent stops.

10. The easiest sign of all: They look just like you. 

They are struggling, just like you. They are succeeding, just like you. While we all try to find our confidence of days-long-ago past, be kind to the impatient mother and make small talk with each other. And if you see a new mom struggling give her 'the - I've been there too - nod'. It will brighten your day when you need it.

Life with a new Little Love

When I first got pregnant, I had a range of emotions (mostly fear). Would I be a good mom? Would I be a scary person after in the eyes of my fiancé? Would I be able to be enough? And love enough? And give up my care-free, major-holiday-twice-a-year, healthy eating lifestyle? What if I miss those things?

When my baby was born, I sadly did not have the connection I had thought I would. And it scared me. I drove home numerous nights from my job, while I was pregnant, with big crocodile tears in my eyes thinking about my dad never having the chance to meet my new baby, about the father I just knew my husband would be, about the beautiful memories I would have from this life changing day. I never thought about myself in that position until near the end. And when I did start thinking about it I never had those crocodile, welled-up, lump in my throat tears. And that was TERRIFYING.

At last the beautiful day arrived (by that time I was begging the `D-Day` to rear its head... and quickly). I was admitted to the hospital and my husband had that moment.... that holy S**T, I’m going to be a parent the next time I leave this place moment.... I was just hoping I would finally be able to see the skin below my belly button, without the use of a mirror.

My daughter took her time to arrive in this world. 21 hours from time we were admitted- type of took her time. It was a whirl wind and a large amount of overwhelmingly new experiences. But when my baby finally made her entrance into this world.... nothing.... I watched as my husband`s eye welled with tears, my mom watched over my new daughter with anticipation and excitement. I felt nothing, I was just so relieved it was over. I was crushed that I didn`t cry about the birth of my daughter. I, at one point, tried to force myself to cry. Not a single tear shed.

I felt that overwhelmingly crushing feeling of emotion. How was I supposed to be a good mom if I couldn`t even be so happy I cried about her finally being here.

But at last we were released from the hospital, a purgatory of sorts, and we made our first trek home.

We took everything. The blanket she was handed to me in, her little cap, her bassinet paper, everything we could to remember her first marks on this world.

I was finally home with her, ready to finally be a mom, to have the holy S**t moment.

I can say that today my daughter is now 10 weeks and 6 days old, and it still hasn`t happened.

BUT I have had a little epiphany of sorts. My life is completely different, yet exactly the same. It changed in all the right ways, yet the things that made me, me, those haven`t changed. My husband and I didn`t find it difficult to cook meals those first few weeks. I actually ended up throwing out some of the meals we had cook ahead of time. We still eat really healthy like we did before. We still grocery shop every Friday night like clockwork. I love those things about our life, I loved OUR special routine. Avah just became a part of that special routine. Now, instead of snuggling into bed to watch Netflix at 8, we are bathing and playing with Avah.

We have all heard the terribly tacky cliché’s that one day you`ll never be able to remember what life was like before them. I remember but, I wouldn`t go back to those days before her.

Photo Credit: Little Moments Matter Photography

I realize now that even after you fix the nursery just right, have everything washed in perfume free soap, have all your organic, dye-free, crap-free everything, that none (and sadly... I truly mean none) of any of that matters. Am I a good mother?? Absolutely. Am I a perfect mother? No. no I am not. And I’m okay with that... mostly. I still have so much time and so much love to give to my daughter but I know that time and love, are the two most important things I could give her. And the most beautiful thing about children.... they forget the past quite quickly... they don't care you ate the whole 8 pack box of chocolate bars this week while hiding in the pantry. They don't remember that you nearly dropped them face first in their kiddy tub when you were taking them out (...oops, CAUTION turns out bubble bath makes babies really slippery). They most of all don't care you didn't cry the minute they came out. They just care that you love them, snuggle them, and feed them. And DAMN. I do those things well.